


I Can't Lose You

by twdsunshine



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 11:30:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15266544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdsunshine/pseuds/twdsunshine
Summary: When the reader grows frustrated with life in Alexandria, she finds herself outside the walls alone for the first time.  Rick Grimes comes to her rescue, but when the reader’s decisions result in her getting hurt, will the strain tear them apart?





	I Can't Lose You

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is new! I had a request a while back (yeah, I know, I say that every time and I’m sorry for the horrendously long wait!) from @miaelle87 on Tumblr for a Rick x Reader. Now, I did warn her that he’s not someone I’ve written before in any sort of detail so, if the character isn’t 100% right, please forgive me, but I really wanted to give this a go. Please, let me know what you think and thank you for reading!
> 
> ‘It’s set somewhere in the beginning of season 6, being in Alexandria, pre Negan. Reader has been with the group since the beginning. She and Rick have been together for a while and starting to settle into their quiet lives in Alexandria. It’s hard to adjust for both of them and reader finds herself outside the walls one day, wandering the woods. Rick finds out and goes after her. They find them selfs in danger and fight their way back inside the walls. Reader gets injured. Rick gets mad at reader but mainly because he’s scared of losing her. They talk about it and all ends well.’

You weren’t sure how long you’d been walking, your gaze fixed on the ground where dappled sunlight painted pictures in the leaf litter as it streamed through the canopy of trees overhead.  The heat was intense, and you’d shrugged off your shirt, tying it around your waist as a glaze of sweat formed on your skin.  The forest was eerily quiet, the only sound the soft crunch of your own footfall as you navigated along the worn path, and your own pulse pounding in your ears as you expended your energy.  You were growing tired, your muscles aching, but still you kept going.  

You knew it was dangerous to be out there on your own.  You’d had enough close calls to know that safety could only be found in numbers, and that the dead could appear as if out of nowhere and take a bite out of you before you could even open your mouth to scream, but it had just become too much for you.  Finding Alexandria had been a blessing – it was probably the only reason any of you were still alive – but, after so long on the road, you found the walls claustrophobic, the neat little suburban community stifling.  Most days you could deal with it, drawing strength from Rick, but at times you just felt like you couldn’t breathe, and when that suffocating feeling had come over you today as you’d been helping Olivia to inventory the supplies, you’d found yourself moving in a daze, downing tools and practically running for the gate.

And now here you were, miles from home, and still unable to face turning back, your leaden limbs propelling you forward even as the sun began to sink towards the horizon.  You’d drained the last drops from your water bottle some time back, and now you felt yourself growing distant, fuzzy with exhaustion and dehydration, but still you walked.

When Rick’s voice cut through the silence, you thought for a moment that you were imagining it.  You doubted he would even have noticed that you were gone, too busy planning the changes he intended to make and keeping an eye on Deanna and her boys. There was no way he could have found you, surely, and yet, there it was again.

‘Y/N!’  No, you wouldn’t have imagined that edge to his tone that meant he was struggling to control his temper.  It was a tone reserved for other people, not for you, but it was his name echoing through the trees.

You halted in your tracks, whirling round, your eyes scanning your surroundings as you tried to place the sheriff.

The soft shuffle of footsteps came from your right, and you left the path, breaking into a jog as you followed the sound, pausing once or twice and adjusting your direction, seeking him out as he searched for you.

As you rounded the corner of a dense patch of bush, a large hand came down on your shoulder, and you huffed a quiet sigh of relief, turning to meet your partner’s eyes, more than ready to lose yourself in the steady ocean-blue, even if they were tinged with annoyance and fear.

The gaze that met yours though was yellowed and bloodshot, the hand on your skin pawing at you as the walker tried to drag you closer.  A scream escaped you before you could stop it, and you fumbled for the knife at your hip, drawing it from its holster and holding it aloft as you backed away, stumbling on the uneven ground.  As it lurched towards you, its low-hung jaw snapping alarmingly, you brought the blade down hard, penetrating its brain with a sickening squelch.  

You barely had time to recover before another hand grasped you, fingers tight around your arm, but this time when you span, it was Rick, his expression tense with worry.  You opened your mouth to speak, to reassure him that you were okay, but he spoke first, one word, short and harsh.  ‘Run!’

It was instinct that led you to obey without question, your muscles screaming at you as you trampled through the undergrowth, your hand clasped firmly in his as he shoved you ahead of him.  In your peripheral vision you were vaguely aware of shadowy figures moving between the trees, their arms reaching out to you as you fled. ‘Rick!’ you panted, as you caught your foot on a root and nearly fell.  ‘How many are there?’

‘I can’t tell.’  His hold on you tightened as he fought to keep you upright, slowing his pace as you recovered your balance.  ‘The place is crawling.’

His fingers slipped from yours as he turned and fired a shot into the head of a biter that had gotten too close for comfort, before reaching for you again, and dragging you down a wooded slope towards the narrow path that ran along the bank of the river that snaked through the forest.  He was using it, you knew, to guide you home, but the steep drop beside you into the shallow water made your head spin, black spots dancing in front of your eyes.

‘Rick, I can’t…’

The corpses were tumbling after you, losing their footing on the hill.  Their motion took some of them over the edge, sending them crashing into the stream, but others came to rest on the pathway you had found yourself on, heaving themselves to their feet and continuing their pursuit.  

‘You have to.’ Rick’s southern drawl focused you, pulling you back from the brink of collapse.  ‘We’ve gotta keep moving!’

Slimy fingers wrapped around your ankle and you faltered, spinning to kick out at the monster that had hold of you.  Your boot sunk into his face, gore oozing out over the soft leather, but the panicked movement had unbalanced you, and there was nothing you could do to save yourself as the solid ground slipped away.

You landed hard in the riverbed, your head glancing off a rock, shooting stars across your vision, and you let out a strangled cry.  You could hear Rick calling for you from his position up above, his soft grunts as he dispatched the walkers that had caught up to him as he watched you disappear, and finally the scuff of his boots against the riverbank as he scrambled down towards you, half sliding, half falling until he was by your side.

Sweat dripped from the dark curls that framed his face as he hovered over you, his eyes wide with shock as he took in your broken, bloodied state.  You could feel the sticky fluid trickling down your forehead, warm and thick, but the pain that was forcing tears to spill down your cheeks was coming from your ankle, and you knew straight away that it was broken.  

‘Rick,’ you gasped, as a fallen walker righted itself and began to splash its way towards you, unstoppable in its quest for sustenance.  ‘Rick, we need to move.’

‘Can you stand up?’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘Shit.’  He pushed himself up from his crouched stance, letting loose another couple of shots as he dealt with the most immediate threats, before holstering his gun and stretching his arms out to you, his muscles tensing as he hauled you upright.  ‘Alright, hold on.’

He leant forward, driving his shoulder into your stomach and hitching you up, locking you into place with an arm across the back of your thighs.  You fought back the whimper that tried to rise from your throat at the agony that shot through you at the rough movement, biting down hard on your lip as he started to run once again.

His pace was slower with you dangling down his back, and more and more he was having to pause to take down the corpses that got too close for comfort, mentally tracking how many bullets he had left and coming up short.  You heard him curse under his breath, a low growl of frustration vibrating through him, before he readjusted his grip on you and pushed himself harder.  He was getting you home, no matter what it took.

 

* * *

 

The first thing you were aware of was darkness. Gone was the intense glare of the sun, painting the backs of your eyelids a vivid red, and in its place, cool shadows, raising goosebumps over your skin.  You could hear breathing, deep and steady beside you, feel a warm hand resting over your own, and a soft surface beneath you, moulding to the curves of your body as you lay prone, your arms by your sides.

A nagging pain compelled you to fidget uncomfortably, but your leg didn’t move, weighed down by something long and smooth that forced you to be still.

‘Y/N?’  Rick’s hoarse rasp dragged you from your state of semi-consciousness, and you cracked open your eyes, wincing when they felt sandpaper-dry.  

‘Hey.’  

His fingers drifted to your cheek, cupping it gently as he rubbed his thumb across your lip, his gaze intense as he stared down at you.  ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Sore,’ you admitted, attempting to ease yourself into a sitting position, but finding that you didn’t have the energy.

‘Well, your ankle’s broken, and you’ve got a mild concussion.  Doc said you were gonna be just fine though.  Might take a few days before you’re back on your feet.’

‘Yeah, and the rest.’  You gave him a small smile, knowing he was trying to play down your injuries, afraid of what the concept of being trapped would do your mental state.  ‘What happened out there?  I remember falling, and you were running with me, but…  How did we get back?’

‘I carried you.’  He’d cast his gaze to the floor, and when he looked back to you, you could see the anger simmering behind his eyes.

‘All that way?  But the walkers…’

‘I got you back, alright?  I kept you safe.  That’s what I do.  It’s what I’ve always done.’

‘I know.’  You stretched out your arm to ghost your fingers over his cheek, trying to diffuse his agitation, but he pulled away, pushing himself to his feet.

You could only watch as he began to pace back and forth, longing to go to him and wrap yourself around him, to make it all better.  You knew this was your fault, but you also knew that wouldn’t stop him from blaming himself and you hated seeing the burden of responsibility fall on his shoulders.

‘Rick-‘

‘What the hell were you thinking, Y/N, going out there alone?’

‘I don’t know.  I just needed some space.  You know I struggle here-‘

‘It doesn’t matter.  You don’t go outside of these fences alone!  You know that!’

‘I know, I’m sorry, but-‘

‘No, no buts.  This cannot happen again!  It’s bad enough that I’m having to try and get Deanna to wake up to the reality of our situation, without having to watch you every second of the day!’

His tone was cutting, his voice rising in volume as he struggled to control his temper.  It was like every word was spoken through gritted teeth, the way it had been with Shane and the Governor and Father Gabriel, back before he’d become an ally, but it had never been directed at you before, and you shrank back against your pillow as he glowered at you.

‘I know we’re finding our way here, and I know you hate it.  But it’s the best place for us right now.  We couldn’t survive for much longer out on the road, and you know that!  I can’t have you taking stupid risks and putting yourself in danger!’

‘I’m sorry, Rick, it won’t happen again, I promise.’

Sensing your anxiety, he sank down beside you on the bed, keeping his movements light so as not to jostle your leg, and took your hands in his.  ‘I nearly lost you today.’

‘But I’m here.’

‘But you might not have been.  If I hadn’t found you when I did…’  He tailed off, inhaling sharply as he glanced to the ceiling as if searching for answers.

‘But you did, Rick.  You found me, and you got me out of there.’  You squeezed his fingers, pulling his attention back to you, and cursing yourself as you saw the pain you’d caused him written across his face. ‘I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to scare you.  I was stupid, I know.  I just… I can’t stand spending every day cooped up in here.  It’s driving me crazy.’

He sighed, smoothing his hand over his beard. His thumb was rubbing over your knuckles and you felt him soften towards you.  He was struggling here just as much as you were, you knew, but he had to put on a brave face for the sake of the group.  ‘I get it.  I know things need to change for all of us – Daryl’s on a knife edge and Carol’s… Well, I don’t even know what the hell she’s doing.  But we need to earn these people’s trust before we can start making changes.  If we try to do too much too soon, Deanna’s gonna shut it down and then we’re back to square one.’

‘I know.’  You gave him a tight smile, which he returned, leaning down to brush his lips against your forehead.

‘I can’t do this without you, Y/N.  I need you to stay alive, because if I lose you…’

‘I’m not going anywhere, Rick.’

‘No, you don’t get it.  If I lose you, this all falls apart.  I need you to be strong for me so I can be strong for them.’

The raw need in his eyes took your breath away, and you slid your hand to the back of his neck, pulling him down to you so you could capture his mouth in a desperate kiss.  ‘I’m sorry, baby.  I’m really sorry.’

‘You should get some rest.’  The command was gentle but authoritative, though you still fought against the exhaustion that was overwhelming your body.

‘But I want to spend time with you while you’re actually here.  I can sleep when you’re gone.’

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ he reassured you, slipping back into the chair at your bedside and leaning back with a crooked grin. ‘I’m off duty ‘til you’re back on your feet.’

‘Really?’

He nodded.  ‘I’ve already spoken to Michonne.  Her and Daryl have got it covered.’

You swallowed hard, struggling to find the words. ‘Thank you.’

‘I meant what I said, Y/N.’  You could hear the emotion in his voice, as his hand sought yours again, your fingers linking in the space between the bed where you lay and his seat.  ‘I can’t lose you.’


End file.
